The Practice of Loving

If you have never experienced love, are you able to say "I Love You?"
To your spouse, to your children and yes even to yourself?

But what exactly is an experience of love? What is love?

Going through a marriage preparation course, some 24 years ago, I was captured by this definition of love : Love is a Decision.
The experts went to explain that Love was not a feeling. Many other Love was Not included:
a. feeling good when thinking of someone you like
b. the intensity of affections between people who are "in love"
c. Love food, music, clothes

One common mistake we all make, to confuse love and like. Like is a feeling. Before you next say " I Love......." check whether replacing Like for Love would change the meaning intent of your comment e.g I like Nasi Lemak, Josh Groban's singing, Porsche. The first rule of thumb : we Like things, we don't Love them. If you need a stronger emphasis, then say I very much Like.....

However, Love is a decision. It means no matter what I will Love you (friends, spouse, children and self). There is an unconditional requirement about Love. Hence the requirement that you would need to make a conscious and deliberate choice about someone - is a good assessment whether it is indeed Love or Like.

In the marriage vows, we promise to love and cherish,our spouse, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health,in richness and in poor. for better or for worse, all days of my life, till death do us part. These are just other ways of saying "no matter what", its about unconditionality and its definitely about having to make a choice, a decision. There is a permanence about that decision. Its not subject to whimsical choices, moods, days of the week, times of the year.

Imagine marriage vows saying: we promise to love and cherish, in good times, in health, in richness and for the better. Otherwise I do not so vow. What good marriage can be founded on such qualifying conditions. Would you then say "I do or I will" if your spouse at the altar would not agree to the unconditionality and permanence of the Love vow. And that is what those vows mean- Loving you no matter what.

My personal thoughts are that if one is clear on the definition and distinction between Love and like, our lives would be less confused. We would make better rational choices in speech and deed.

The next blog will discuss how we can practice experiencing love in our life. Its such an important thing to do.

Write me if you would like to chat.